Your Damaged Heart

Never did you see in the dying of the light
The minutes or hours or seconds I spent
Cultivating something deep and warm and bright.
Distractions of life left pieces of reality
Strewn about like toys in a child’s minefield
Those that did offer yet unseen fractures of actuality.

But there it was, under the blackening sun
Where songs attempted to sing futures untold,
But what was unknown to me is that the battle could never be won
Because it’s your heart that’s cold and fucked
Because it’s not you it’s them or it’s them not you
Where you’ve taken yourself away, sealed and gently tucked.

You see, singular madness deprives of happiness and smiles
But were there ever smiles to begin with, even once?
Yes! They did exist, but your darkening heart defiles
That which you could have known yet you remained unknowing.
You didn’t see that I had always known that someone did exist there
A “cousin” in disguise feeding you, seeding you, ever sowing.

Now, is it I who should feel this pain or sadness or betrayal?
No! Only once had I endured such dissonance in my soul
Breaking down the barrier, fingers underneath my skin from a disloyal
Discordant and unloving one, and yes there was you in the light
With all the hope and positivity that I could have ever dreamed
But never did I dream that I’d have to step into a battle field and fight

For your love or your attention—

Is that how it should be? Forevermore wondering
If you’re breaking or you’re taking or you’re faking this shit
And is this how you want to live?

Under the all this blustering and seething darkness spewing from
Your damaged tar pit of a heart layered with grime lies something
no one can break because its already broken.

Should I hurt when all your strength’s controlled by that one weak part?

No

What It’s Like to Play Live Music

A red velveteen veil
Surrounds the black laminate world.
Outside, strong lights burn furious
Washing faces with a buttery sheen
As sinuous voices slither whispers
Of words I can never know.

Behind that immense fabric barrier
The Frosty air chills me to the soul.
Still, I sweat heavy beads of glass,
Heavier as the sea of eyes are exposed
Under hundreds of dying tangerine moons
Who reveal softly twinkling stars.

First, slick black silence entrances me
But soon, those penetrating eyes
Sink under an inundation of sound.
Before, I was strung strong and tight
Like the silvery tines of a spider’s edifice
Now, there is nothing but sweet resonance.

As calculated vibrations disappear with grace,
The dark seraphs of fear return once more.
Then a rhapsody of primordial music plays
A thousand cracks of thunder—and thousands more.
The fear dances with the scintillating smiles
And disappears into the darkness from which it came.