Stop Hurting People

TKAR_RoseSome of the time, people have no idea what they’re doing to each other. A lot of the time, however, people know exactly what they’re doing. I’m talking about relationships. They’re some of the hardest things to do, even the simplest relationships can be tough. Why must we make it tougher by putting other people through hard times?

Getting into a relationship isn’t always easy. You can be the boldest most daring person in the world, and still find yourself lost for words at the beginning, before you even say hello. Even when that initial contact is made, you’ll still doubt every word that comes out of your mouth because you’re analyzing every word that comes out of their mouth.

Things can be amazing in relationships for a time, but it you’re not true, the relationship will never take hold. They’ll never flourish. Now, I’m not talking about both people. You see, just because one person isn’t connecting because they’re lost somewhere in someone else’s eyes, does not mean the other person isn’t falling in love with them. This causes a huge problem because now someone is suddenly investing their heart into something that will never work without the other person’s investment into the relationship.

Love is a powerful thing. It will make people do some incredible things. Sometimes those things are incredibly endearing and sometimes incredibly wonderful. Love makes us who we are because without it, we would be an even more dangerous and destructive race of people.

However, love can also dangerous in that it can destroy you and make you destructive. All of that incredible stuff you did, is now no longer fueled by desire to make the person you love feel wonderful. Now, your desire is either self-destruction or the destruction of others, which is where you start to do incredibly stupid things.

By leading someone down a path where they might fall for you and you aren’t fully invested (for instance you’re still in love with your ex), then you’re setting them up for destruction. How dare you do that to someone? How dare you get into a relationship where you cannot love that person back because you are currently broken?

You can’t, and you shouldn’t. You should always wait a length of time—it’s different for everyone—before jumping into something new because you need to be sure you are available for that person. Available for the love and commitment they are seeking from you. You can’t be this broken thing, and expect everything to work out, and you can’t expect them to be okay if you’re using them to unfuck yourself. You just can’t do that to people, and yet people do it all the time.

Why? Why do people do this? Are people so self-centered that they can’t think about other people when getting into something emotional? Relationships aren’t one-sided. They’re not one-sided. There are two sides to a relationship. I’ve said that three times now because people don’t seem to get it. You might be trying to unfuck your heart, but in the meantime, you’re fucking someone else’s heart. Is that fair? Is that right?

The last thing I want to talk about is how you approach exiting this broken thing you started. You don’t do it by blaming the other person for you exiting. No, you were broken to begin with, so own up to it. You don’t tell them the reason it won’t work by comparing them to the person you were originally trying to unfuck yourself from, and you sure as hell don’t do it right before you go back to that person. The truth is, you were broken from the get, and unless they were seriously fucking up, it probably isn’t their fault it didn’t work. It’s your fault. Don’t forget that, and don’t blame them, because all you’re going to do is break the fuck out of them some more. So, don’t be that asshole.

Love to love. Love to be loved. Don’t love to unfuck yourself, because that’s not love, that’s abuse.

Listen to the audio version of Your Broken Heart here:

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Your Damaged Heart

Never did you see in the dying of the light
The minutes or hours or seconds I spent
Cultivating something deep and warm and bright.
Distractions of life left pieces of reality
Strewn about like toys in a child’s minefield
Those that did offer yet unseen fractures of actuality.

But there it was, under the blackening sun
Where songs attempted to sing futures untold,
But what was unknown to me is that the battle could never be won
Because it’s your heart that’s cold and fucked
Because it’s not you it’s them or it’s them not you
Where you’ve taken yourself away, sealed and gently tucked.

You see, singular madness deprives of happiness and smiles
But were there ever smiles to begin with, even once?
Yes! They did exist, but your darkening heart defiles
That which you could have known yet you remained unknowing.
You didn’t see that I had always known that someone did exist there
A “cousin” in disguise feeding you, seeding you, ever sowing.

Now, is it I who should feel this pain or sadness or betrayal?
No! Only once had I endured such dissonance in my soul
Breaking down the barrier, fingers underneath my skin from a disloyal
Discordant and unloving one, and yes there was you in the light
With all the hope and positivity that I could have ever dreamed
But never did I dream that I’d have to step into a battle field and fight

For your love or your attention—

Is that how it should be? Forevermore wondering
If you’re breaking or you’re taking or you’re faking this shit
And is this how you want to live?

Under the all this blustering and seething darkness spewing from
Your damaged tar pit of a heart layered with grime lies something
no one can break because its already broken.

Should I hurt when all your strength’s controlled by that one weak part?

No