We Are The Wild Things (poem)

You’ve become a deceiver.
You were born with innocence, unmatched and sweet,
But as you grew, each word became more dishonest than the last,
Thorny bushes of lies weaving into tales that become your life.
And for what?
So you can forsake yourself for the sake of others?
To placate those around you?
To give yourself a false sense of happiness?

As you do this, your facts become fiction,
Soon, those fictions become a fact of your life.
You seek to have people you can trust around you
Yet they’re the people you lie to the most.
And you often lie to them more than you lie to yourself
Because you know you can’t lie to that person deep inside.
You can pretend you don’t know the truth of who or what you are,
But sooner or later that truth becomes apparent…

And some will say that it’s your parents fault
That you should blame them for your deceptive lives,
But you are grown.
It may be true that as a child you once could cry
This was mom’s fault
That was dad’s fault
And maybe people once believed you
But now you hold your own actions in your hands.
Those bloody twisted claws of deception are yours to bear

You know right from wrong.
You know what to do.
You know how lies have affected you.
You know how painful it is…

You know because that innocence in you
Was tainted when you were a child
For years wicked lies flooded in all around you
And It’s for this and no other reason that you know
The grief
The Anger
The Pain
All of the emotions that deceit causes

And now, no longer a child, you do this to other people?
You think that’s okay?
To make people feel how you hate feeling yourself?
To make people hurt?

You shouldn’t… not even a little bit.

With each passing lie you dig deeper
Into a pit that turns ever blacker
It’ll soon be so dark
That one day the light in your heart
Will no longer be able to penetrate,
And finally, when all is said and done,
When the clouds of untruths finally bears down on you,
You’ll be consumed… left wondering what you could have done to change all of this.

One day you’ll realize all too late that you had the power to change…

That you alone are the one to blame.

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Your Damaged Heart

Never did you see in the dying of the light
The minutes or hours or seconds I spent
Cultivating something deep and warm and bright.
Distractions of life left pieces of reality
Strewn about like toys in a child’s minefield
Those that did offer yet unseen fractures of actuality.

But there it was, under the blackening sun
Where songs attempted to sing futures untold,
But what was unknown to me is that the battle could never be won
Because it’s your heart that’s cold and fucked
Because it’s not you it’s them or it’s them not you
Where you’ve taken yourself away, sealed and gently tucked.

You see, singular madness deprives of happiness and smiles
But were there ever smiles to begin with, even once?
Yes! They did exist, but your darkening heart defiles
That which you could have known yet you remained unknowing.
You didn’t see that I had always known that someone did exist there
A “cousin” in disguise feeding you, seeding you, ever sowing.

Now, is it I who should feel this pain or sadness or betrayal?
No! Only once had I endured such dissonance in my soul
Breaking down the barrier, fingers underneath my skin from a disloyal
Discordant and unloving one, and yes there was you in the light
With all the hope and positivity that I could have ever dreamed
But never did I dream that I’d have to step into a battle field and fight

For your love or your attention—

Is that how it should be? Forevermore wondering
If you’re breaking or you’re taking or you’re faking this shit
And is this how you want to live?

Under the all this blustering and seething darkness spewing from
Your damaged tar pit of a heart layered with grime lies something
no one can break because its already broken.

Should I hurt when all your strength’s controlled by that one weak part?

No

What It’s Like to Play Live Music

A red velveteen veil
Surrounds the black laminate world.
Outside, strong lights burn furious
Washing faces with a buttery sheen
As sinuous voices slither whispers
Of words I can never know.

Behind that immense fabric barrier
The Frosty air chills me to the soul.
Still, I sweat heavy beads of glass,
Heavier as the sea of eyes are exposed
Under hundreds of dying tangerine moons
Who reveal softly twinkling stars.

First, slick black silence entrances me
But soon, those penetrating eyes
Sink under an inundation of sound.
Before, I was strung strong and tight
Like the silvery tines of a spider’s edifice
Now, there is nothing but sweet resonance.

As calculated vibrations disappear with grace,
The dark seraphs of fear return once more.
Then a rhapsody of primordial music plays
A thousand cracks of thunder—and thousands more.
The fear dances with the scintillating smiles
And disappears into the darkness from which it came.

I Am Storm III (Sestina)

Stay away, all you bring is pain.
Stay away, all you bring is pain.

I

Through the darkness of this endless abyss
Raucous silence is my only companion as I walk
Beyond cold sinuous shadows and frigid hearts
Hundreds of greedy eyes stare without looking
Thousands of tired mouths talk without saying
Millions of intimate hearts love without emotion

II

Long I weathered the wintery emotion,
Turning inward toward my own abyss.
The stars twinkle down while saying
That perhaps I should endure a longer walk
And take the time to ponder the moment, looking
Deep to find the desires of my heart of hearts.

III

But should we be listening to our hearts
While external voices play with our emotion?
Do I dare to leap without looking?
Take others words forward and jump into that abyss?
I can’t, because I know it’s into fire I walk
Dreaming of the falsehoods I know they are saying.

IV

But what’s exactly in the words they are saying?
Is it for me to believe they have just hearts?
Why is it that these ones shouldn’t walk
To the edge, brimming with the same emotion
So that they may plunge into that black abyss
While I stand there unmoved and looking?

V

But why would it be me caring or looking?
Should I be taking a stand saying
That they nor anyone else should sail into the abyss
That everyone should look deep into their hearts
For the love that they need to bear their emotion
And if must needs, we can even take their arm and walk.

VI

No, it isn’t for me to take that walk
Because it isn’t me staring without looking,
Nor am I the one spending love with emotion,
Nor do I talk to without saying,
Nor do I add one more to their black hearts,
Nor do I wish for them to seize that abyss.

VII

I live to love me irrespective of them looking and saying
That there are true emotions in their heart of hearts.
The only problem is I can’t walk away from this abyss.